Bored in Michigan (8/24-27)

I really don't know why I'm so prejudiced against August, but if I had to eliminate one month a year, this would be it. August is always sweaty, smelly, and humid. Minutes feel more like years on a particularily dreadful August afternoon. It's just a month where nothing really happens. You might go on an ill-advised family vacation, or maybe go camping. But those are all just places to go to kill time before school starts, fall starts, Congress gets back in session, the whole she-bang. You know? So, really, I am celebrating that the last weekend of August is upon us. It's time for everything to start moving a little faster.

Thursday, August 24th

The Michigan Theater
When I say the phrase, "Paris is Burning"... what's your response? Do you respond with:

a) "WITH HERPES!!!!!!!!"
b) "Oh, not yet. But just you wait."
c) "Paris would be burning if it wasn't for the good old U.S. of A."
d) "Oh, man, what a great movie."

Well, if you answered "D," then you'll probably be really pleased with the Michigan Theater this week. This documentary about drag queens in New York shows at 7:15 p.m. this Thursday night. It would be awesome if people treated Paris is Burning like they treated Rocky Horror Picture Show. That way Liberty Street would be filled with gorgeous tall drag queens instead of sorority girls in matching outfits and hipsters buying plain-colored clothes.

Kerrytown Farmer's Market
Trunk-a-palooza is a garage sale, where people sell shit out of the back of their cars. If this wasn't Ann Arbor, I would be a lot more suspicious of the idea. But, really, who in Ann Arbor would be cool enough to steal a bunch of stereo equipment and file the serial numbers off of them? Ha. Exactly. There'll be live music, and it'll be going on from five to eight pm. I wonder if I could find a couch there.

Crazy Wisdom Bookstore & Tea Room
The title defies all snarkiness. Pre-register and learn how to talk to plants. Just call 994-4589 and tell them that you want to learn how to talk to your neighbor's apple tree.

The Ark
Freebo and Photoglo are playing at the Ark. Their names make me really, really, really upset. Like, kick a Lite-Brite across the room and scream at a bunch of five years old upset. But at the same time, it is blues flavored country-pop. Yet, I will have to hear their dumb names spoken aloud. It's $15. I'm going to go kick a Lite-Brite and shit.

Meadow Brook Music Festival, Rochester Hills
Take that, National Enquirer, bitch ain't dead yet. Yep. Loretta Lynn is gracing Meadow Brook this Thursday night. No, you shouldn't expect to see Jack White there. But at the same time, I wish she had toured with her Van Lear Rose band. It would have been fantastic to see. Damn, that album was good. Anyway, tickets range from 20 to 45 dollars. And, if you believe what the Enquirer says, you'd best go to the concert before Loretta dies from pneumonia.

The Lager House, Detroit
The Lager House is hosting its own summer festival. And, it will probably be hippie and (exposed) saggy titties free. Great Lakes Myth Society (2 for 2, motherfuckers) and Canada will be playing. And some of the people from New Grenada, who I've wanted to catch for a while. It's 21+, and if you take seven bucks with you, that'll totally get you in.

The Magic Stick
Child Bite is headlining. Javelins (who are GOOD...talk about your childishly simple phrases) are opening. It's an all ages show. The only thing that worries me is the fact that the Magic Stick's website describes them as "avant-garde and punk." Thinking about music in those terms makes me want to throw up a little bit. But, it's only $7 and doors open at 8 pm.

Mac's Bar, Lansing
Ok. Fuck whoever is playing at Mac's Bar. $2 domestic bottles of beer? GO. And yes, it is the MacPodz whom I still refuse to talk about. But $2 bottles of beer from a bar? Hellllllllllo. 18+, $5 and $7.

Friday, August 25th

Jewel Heart Monastery
I don't regularly go to Jewel Heart, but I feel obligated to appreciate it. The name, the Allen Ginsberg connection, and just the aura of the place is enough to melt a little bit of the black ice surrounding this heart of mine. So why not go to Jewel Heart this Friday? They're showing (FOR FREE) Amelie. Go, go, go. Showtime is 7 pm.

Sun Moon Yoga Studio
Continuing on my yoga theme is the Yoga Trance Dance. I'm not sure what you'll be dancing to, but unless there's a yoga pose entitled "RubuponyabyUsher," this is a place to go which will be frat boy popped collar free. Donate something and dance the night away.

Dreamland Theater, Ypsilanti
This show should make it harder for me to make a gruesome puppet porn joke, just because it's not entirely puppet focused. There's a game show, and vignettes performed by puppets, and some local music. Support Puppets! Support Local Music! Five dollars.

The Blind Pig
The Dardanelles are playing. I don't know much about them, but I'm going to ask my fellow Modern Pea Pod, Jon, about them. Just a second. ...Oh, what's that? You're too busy playing with a cat to answer your phone? Oh. Well. You just want me to make up an answer for you? Oh. Great. Okay.

Jon: "I love the Dardanelles. I like to keep action figures of them. I love cats. Cats, Cats, Cats. Sometimes, I dress up like a cat and go to the Dardanelles shows."

Me: "Great!"

So, if you want to see a man dressed like a cat and dancing to the Dardanelles, go to the Blind Pig. Doors at 9:30. 18+. Tickets are 7 and 10 dollars. And they might give a discount to human-sized cats.

The Temple Club, Lansing
The Temple Club is having a Michigan Indie Night. Featuring Sleeping at Last, the Afterword, and Stitches among others, this should be a pretty alternateen night. Still doesn't beat the beer specials at Macs Bar. But, what the hell, this is for charity, bitches. Eight dollars in advance, ten at the door.

The Magic Stick
I am right now wearing a shirt that says Support Local Music. My hand is sporting a tattoo that says, "Stop Hating." And guess what. I am going to stop it. I am not going to say anything angry or annoyed about the fact that a band called "Animal Chinz" is playing at the Magic Stick. BECAUSE THEY ARE LOCAL MUSIC, AND I WILL NOT SPEAK ILL OF LOCAL MUSIC. Or at least, I am trying not to. But seriously, with a "z?" You had to spell "chins" with a "z?" No, no, no, I'm OK. Strike all that from the record. Go support local music. And Ten Words for Snow. Doors are at 8 pm. 18+ Tickets are $10

There would be more to talk about if Isaac Hayes had not cancelled his show and dinner party tonight. Booo.

Saturday, August 26th

I'm actually really looking forward to this Saturday. It sounds like I'm going to be eating fajitas with my older sister. God, I love fajitas. Oh, and burritos. Every time I drink a little too much, I want a burrito. Not one of those greasy ones filled with enough stuff to look like an overinflated spleen, but a Panchero's burrito with only rice and beans and chicken. It's the simple things in life that please me.

Ann Arbor YMCA
Duelist IX is taking place at the local YMCA. Everyone is allowed to come watch people fake try to kill each other. Show up at 11:30 am to watch the sabre battles. Oh, and if there are aspiring fencers reading this site, registration is only $15. If you promise me a man's head on a pike with a rousing cheer of "Huzzah!", I'll pay your entrance fee.

The Michigan Union
We at the Modern Pea Pod should really be getting off our asses and coming up with some sartorial merchandise. This is the second local zinefest where we should be showing stuff. It only costs $10 to exhibit, and we could be rubbing shoulders with Found Magazine. Though frankly, in this city, you could toss a cinderblock and hit someone associated with Found. It's in the Pendleton Room from 10 am to 3 pm.

J Bar J Ranch (36th Annual Saline Rodeo), Saline
Cowboys. Chaps. Bulls. Saline. Hats. Yee-Haw. Rodeo Clowns. Tobacco. Elephant Ears. Ten dollars at the door. Bring your boots. (This section calls for an obligatory statement of, I wish Jake Gyllenhaal was actually a cowboy. If you are a gay man reading this section, you may be wishing he was a gay cowboy. But, that should be obvious to anyone who does not live under a rock. Man... that Jake Gyllenhaal is a good looking guy.)

... a moment of silence for Jake Gyllenhaal....

St. Andrew's Hall, Detroit
Jurassic 5 is playing tonight (sans Cut Chemist, of course). I haven't heard much of Jurassic 5 in a long time. When I tried to talk to my mom about them once, she kept saying, "Won't people confuse them with the Jackson Five?" That really stumped me for a while. Because, maybe people do. YEAH. PEOPLE FROM TIME MACHINES. Now, I didn't actually say that to my mom - though if you've ever heard some of our interactions, you would be surprised that I actually didn't say that - but, man, I wish I had. So, anyway, all of you Jurassic 5 and Jackson 5 fans, head to St. Andrews Hall. $25.

Freedom Hill Ampitheatre, Sterling Heights
The B-52s are playing tonight. Oh, and you can eat dinner with them. Perhaps they'll save you (yes, here it comes!) a rock lobster. Oh ho ho. Tickets are 10 to 45 dollars just to see the concert. Apparently, it's 18 dollars for a B-52s dinner ticket. I guess that does not mean you are either eating with the band or eating lobster. Oh well. Doors at 7:30 pm.

The Magic Stick
Continuing on with Zach-themed weekends after last week's visit from the Nuge, the Lee Marvin Computer Arm will be playing at the Magic Stick. So how does Lee Marvin Computer Arm fit in with a Zach-themed weekend? Well...

1) They play a fucking awesome Motorhead cover.
2) The lead singer looks like Zach. I saw them open for the Dirtbombs, and they seriously blew me away. I had wanted to see Lee Marvin Computer Arm for a long time, and they did not let me down. The only problem is, the singer looked enough like Zach (shit, he was even dressed like him) to make me occasionally stop and think, "Zach, what are you doing?"
3) They refer to Thin Lizzy as Thin "Fucking" Lizzy. AWESOME.

This looks like it will be the best show all-night, so go, go, go.

See, I told you all, Augusts are dire. I'm totally excited for September, though: SSM, Gil Mantera's Party Dream... hell, even the Starlight Mints are making me a little bubbly inside. Sundays will probably return with the fall, but really, do you want to talk about meditation and bike rides with me? No? surprise, surprise, motherfuckers.

But, on an exciting note, Zach's birthday is Sunday. That's not so boring. Happy Birthday, Old Man.

If you think that I should just turn this into a happy birthday shout-out column, then write to megan@modernpeapod.com. I will be more than happy to design cards, catty remarks, and fake toasts for your friends, family, lovers, haters, dogs, cats, fish, and bosses.

Aaron's iDol (Finale)

"Everybody Let's Go."

This project has taken around two months to complete. Towards the end of June, I sent an email out, begging friends to send me the best they had. From that came a mixture of sixteen fantastic songs, from a variety of genres and periods. Here now, we are at an end. With the completion of this entry, you will all know who is Aaron's iDol. It has taken longer than intended, but hopefully it will be well worth the wait.

It had been my expectation that the winner would be somebody who picked a song so esoteric, so fantastic, and yet so forgotten, that I had to give it up to them. Yet, much to my surprise, the exact opposite happened. The two songs here at the finals are, by all rights, songs that I should've heard ages ago. Rene Moreno's "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley (St. Elsewhere, Downtown Records, 2006) has become one of the breakout singles of the summer. It has hit the height of charts all across the world, especially in Britain, and has become basically unavoidable for people who like to leave their houses. I hadn't heard it when Aaron's iDol began, but now I can't seem to get away from it - and for good reason.

I, like most white kids who try to wax knowledgeably about hip-hop music (and anybody with a sense of taste), have long been a fan of DJ Danger Mouse's work. From his work with MF Doom on the fantastic DangerDoom collaboration, to his help on the Gorillaz' Demon Days record, to the legendary Grey Album project, his production skills have yet to disappoint. Gnarls Barkley is just one more feather in this cap. Danger Mouse provides amazing beats and backing tracks to the soulful singing of Cee-Lo to produce a uniquely moving, and still incredibly suave and cool track. Though he pulls from so many sources in the past to produce the sound of this record, it is still something that can only be described as profoundly modern. This is the new wave of music.

And its competition is just New Wave music. Well, sort of. You'd think, as the MPP's de facto punk writer, that I'd be well versed with Iggy Pop. I mean, I love the Stooges. I own the entire series of The Adventures of Pete and Pete on DVD. Hell, I live in fucking Ann Arbor, Michigan. So why hadn't I ever heard Zach Burwell's choice of "The Passenger" (Lust for Life, Virgin Records, 1977) before now? I just never got into the man's solo stuff. Was that a mistake? You bet your ass.

"The Passenger" is a track with jangly guitars, solemn lyrics, upbeat drumming, "la-la-la"s and, best of all, two part harmonies. It's anything one could want in a pop song. It has that indescribable thing that makes a song so wonderful. You want to get up and dance to it. You want to put it on with friends, sit around and open a beer. Most importantly, you want to get into a convertible, crank it up, and drive down the freeway in the middle of the night at 70 miles per hour, smoking a cigarette and going nowhere.

So where does that leave us? Certainly to pick between two such songs is, above all else, a matter of taste. But there are two other key factors that have gone into the decision that I have made. First is the test of time. Who knows how we will view Gnarls Barkley twenty years from now? "The Passenger," on the other hand, has stood up to the winds of the decades. One doesn't hear it and think, "Oh, 1977." You don't think anything at all. It's not dated - it just grooves, and that's all that you need.

Yet to make my final judgment on this factor alone would be unfair. It's based on a hypothetical scenario of "Crazy" always echoing a 2006 gone by, and who am I to predict such a thing? Instead, the thing that pushes "The Passenger" over the edge is that it has romance. Gnarls Barkley has produced a track that is soulful and full of a gospel feeling, but it lacks a romantic sentiment. With lyrics like "All of this was made for you and me" and "He rides and he rides and he rides," one can't help but listen to Iggy Pop, and be led off into a world of... well... something else entirely.

Congratulations, Zachary Burwell, you are Aaron's iDol.

To all of those who submitted, I thank you.

Gnarls Barkley
Iggy Pop

Bored in Michigan (8/17-20)

So, today at work, I experienced a coffee explosion. It wasn't like we were keeping the coffee on a pot, and it got so hot that it exploded and killed a bunch of people. No, no, no, it was the type of explosion where someone's coffee mug gets knocked over and it kinda splooshes up into the air. Then the floor is a little sticky for the rest of the day, the room smells like coffee, and everyone is in a grumpy mood for having to clean up coffee for ten minutes. After this massive explosion, that was it. It was time for me to live a weekend vicariously by helping you to plan yours. Even though, as we all know, it is August.

Thursday, August 17th

The Michigan Theater
To Sleep with Anger is being shown at the Michigan Theater this Thursday night. Have you ever heard of that made-for-TV movie called Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? Well, this is not it. But, I always tend to confuse them a little bit. Not that To Sleep with Anger features Tori Spelling trying to escape from an axe-murdering, crazy-ass boyfriend. No. Oh man, you're kinda wishing along with me that Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? was being featured at the Michigan now. We should start a peitetion asking for horribly bad movies to be shown there over the couse of a summer. Anyway, go at 7:15 to see To Sleep with Anger.

Also being shown at the Michigan Theater is The Devil & Daniel Johnston. Giving you one of the few straight answers in the history of this column, The Devil & Daniel Johnston is a true story about an aspiring musician being brought up by a Christian family in the south. He runs away from them and joins a carnival. And then he winds up on MTV. Oh, and bad stuff happens too. It's being shown Thursday at 9:15 pm.

Main Street between Williams & Washington
Don't try driving your car through the main business areas of Ann Arbor proper tonight. If you do, you'll wind up killing several Texas Hold 'Em players, as well all of the people making the chili. I'm not sure why I assume that people have to eat chili when they play poker outside of Las Vegas, but there it is. But at the same time, there will be free food. And a display of classic cars. The event will be going on from 7 pm to 11 pm. And it's free. So go play unsuave poker.

The Ark
The Ditty Bops are playing at the Ark, and they're bringing weird costumes and puppets with them. I, myself, am very, very, very wary of puppets, as well as people in costumes. But, at the same time, they're more influenced by cabaret than the Disney type atmosphere which can be quickly associated with puppets and costumes. Come and see a weird blend of music and showmanship. Tickets are $15.

The Lager House, Detroit
The Lager House is hosting Bishop Allen, along with Chris Mills, Hotel Lights, and I, Crime (Detroit indie rock, word). If you read You Ain't No Picasso, then you've probably gotten slapped in the face with the sheer number of Bishop Allen mp3s being posted over there. And really, you should give the ones that are still available a chance. I downloaded "Click, Click, Click, Click," and trust me, it's good. It's a 21+ show, and tickets are seven dollars.

DTE Energy Music Theatre (Pine Knob), Clarkston
Guess where Zach from the Modern Pea Pod will be on Thursday night? HERE, MOTHERFUCKERS. HE IS GOING TO BE KILLING ANIMALS, SHOOTING AN ARROW INTO A DRUM, AND TURNING THAT CONCERT UPSIDE DOWN. And why will he be doing this? Because Zach is going to be chilling with Ted "The Motor City Madman" Nugent. Hide your copy of Bambi, or the Nuge will paint over the film with blood. Doors are at 7:30. And don't puss out: lawn tickets are only $15.50 plus a three dollar traffic charge.

Hmmmm...Lansing is still dead to me. So time, to hit Friday, I guess.

Friday, August 18th

Ypsilanti
Today marks the start of the Ypsilanti Heritage Festival. Apparently, Ypsi's history ranges from Native Americans to Civil War reenactments to live, Motown-styled music, all with free admission. Go at seven, and start at the beer tent. It will make all the more sense when you've finished there.

The Michigan Theater
The Michigan Theater reminds all of us again, that - gosh darn it! - they're from liberal-squared Ann Arbor, by showing the intriguing (yet a little 20/20 expose-esque) documentary called Who Killed The Electric Car? Twenty bucks said it was Professor Plum in the observatory with the noose. Bitches play for keeps, y'all. Yes, I am smirking. I will guess that the time is 9:15.

Ann Arbor Distric Library
Nerds, hear me. You will all be drawn unconditionally to the Ann Arbor District Librarty starting at 6 pm. You will be hypnotized and happy until 9 pm. And why is this? Because there will be a Dance Dance Revolution there (and this is definitely not what Gil Scott-Heron was thinking about). You will all become robots. And when you leave, people will think what's covering you is sweat, but we'll all know that it was actually WD40 that you slapped on to impress the chicks.

Lorch Hall, University of Michigan Campus
Suzuki Seijun's Fighting Elegy is being shown for free. The show begins at 7 pm. Go if you like Japanese movies and absurdist satires about the rise of 1930s fascism. Wear your brown shirt, and I'll be the one wearing the Japanese war flag head scarf.

Hill Auditorium
Bollywood is erupting on the stage of the luxirous Hill Auditorium tonight. No. I don't want to talk about it. I already wasted three hours of my life on Bollywood, way back in May. I am still a little bitter about this. Oh, and if you're watching Ghost World and want to see that Gumnaam movie they show clips from, just stick with the "Jaan Pechechaan Ho" video at the end. Trust me, you are missing two hours and 55 minutes of pure anguish, confusion, and anger. But anyway, if you're still in the glossy Bollywood Spirit, there are cheap $35 tickets to see Himesh Reshammiya.

The Blind Pig
I like Great Lakes Myth Society. Even before I saw them live, I liked them simply because of the spooky lantern they were rocking in their press picture. And, they're even cooler live. Doors are at 9:30. Tickets are 8 and 11 dollars. Blah blah blah, support the local scene. Thanks.

The Lager House
The High Strung, Troy Gregory, and 1986 are playing at the Lager House. Doors are at 9, cover is 6 dollars. And when you go, congratulate Troy Gregory on how good he looks. And ask him to cover some Brian Eno. It might not be as awesome sans Dirtbombs, but trust me, it will still be good.

Fox Theatre, Detroit
If you're going to go see Dave Chappelle, you knew forever and a day ago that you were going to go see Dave Chappelle. For the rest of you, take the money you would've spent on this hugely expensive performance, and go buy both seasons of his show instead.

Headliners, Toledo, OH
You know that I would never send you out of the state without a reason. And here's the best, best, best reason I can think of: GWAR. Go see those demons from hell rock at Headliners. Seriously. You will leave looking like you tried to eat a raw pig. And that's a good thing. Tickets are 15 dollars. Doors are at 8 pm. And this is an all-ages show. Teach your little sister the truth about metal demons; Judy Blume never wrote a book about that shit.

Theaters Everywhere
And if you can't make it go see GWAR and get nightmares, you can always go see Snakes on a Plane. Personally, I'm planning on waiting until the film comes out on DVD, so I can play a drinking game to it. I already have the rules figured out: every time Samuel L. Jackson drops the "F" bomb, that's a drink. Every time he tasers a snake, that's a drink. Hell, it might even be two drinks. This is not a smart drinking game.

...Motherfucking snakes aside, things are looking dire for the next two days. oh man, guess what. I don't think of Sundays as a weekend night anymore. Forget it.

Saturday, August 19th

The Blind Pig
There's a Joe Strummer tribute show. I really don't know what I think about a Joe Strummer tribute show, or any tribute show for that matter. Like, it's one thing to do Paisley Product and do awesome electronic covers of Prince songs. But, that effect just won't work for Joe Strummer, you know? I guess the point I'm making is go there less for showmanship and glitz, and more to hear the music that made the man awesome. Doors are at 7, and it's an all ages show. Tickets are 6 and 9 dollars.

And I guess you could stay for the late show and see the MacPodz. But, i hate their name. So, die. And doors are at 10:30 pm.

Aunt Agatha's Mystery Bookstore, 213 S. Fourth Avenue
I think one of the most interesting and overlooked things about Ann Arbor is the number of authors who come through the city. And while I am not familiar with any of the four authors being featured at Aunt Agatha's at 1:30 pm, the idea itself is really interesting. Denise Swanson, Sharon Short, Helen Webber, and Judy Clemens - who are all mystery writers from the Midwest - are going to enter into a panel discussion about creating a good mystery. It might be cool. I have a soft spot in my heart for mystery novels ever since I spent a good two months harboring a secret crush for Encyclopedia Brown. He might've been just an amateur child detective invented by Donald J. Sobel, but he was awesome.

Dreamland Theater, Ypsilanti
Attack of the Puppets, part two. This week features Reality Incorporate. It's about puppets who control reality. I really think that I had a dream along those lines, except it was a nightmare. Honestly, I am not a big fan of puppets or elaborate costumes (outside of Halloween). Tickets are seven dollars, mature audience members are a must, and you should call 657-2337 for more details.

The Lager House
Tiny Steps are playing. The Lager House says that they're the best new pop act since Brendan Benson. And, if that is so, you should be there. I may be mean about Brendan Benson, but I'm mean because I care. Hopefully, Tiny Steps will inspire such a relationship between you and them. And hellooooo, tickets are only five dollars.

The actual weekend of this weekend is so slow. Things will at least pick up by Labor Day. Any weekend which includes Radio Birdman and Mudhoney has to be called awesome. In the meantime, if you have any questions, events, details, jokes, or drinking game details to suggest, please e-mail megan@modernpeapod.com.

Aaron's iDol (Part Fourteen)

"She's A Bad Mama Jama"

There have been questions of ethics and fairness since this contest began. Drawing from a pool of friends, it has been pointed out to me that those who know me the best will have the greatest chance at winning. I have done my best to stay impartial, and frankly, I feel that musical tastes can only be predicted to a certain degree. After that, it's an issue of fate. This is why some of my oldest and closest friends were knocked out in rounds one and two, and why people I had known for only a month or two when this game began lasted well into the battle. Still, though, Zach Hoskins has been more than a friend to me. He and I have a long history of audiophilia. Our years of record sharing led to us creating this very website together a little over one year ago. If anybody had the edge, it was him. He used it to the best of his advantage.

The song he chose, "Son of Shaft" by the Bar-Kays (The Best of the Bar-Kays, Stax Records, 1988), is damned near a perfect piece of pop music history. It's a piece that came out of the ashes of tragedy. When the plane crash that killed legendary singer Otis Redding also wiped out most of the original Bar-Kays, it looked like the end of the road for the band. Yet they regrouped, and adapted to the new musical landscape that had emerged in the wake of that very disaster. What had once been an instrumental soul group along the lines of Booker T. & The M.G.'s was now churning out some of the finest pieces of early funk music, while retaining that smooth, soulful edge. Nowhere is this better heard than in a top hit like "Son of Shaft," which takes that sound and adds a subtle touch of humor in the delightful parody of one of the era's pop culture icons.

This is a cut that anybody interested in the genre owes it to themselves to take for a spin. Not only does it hold such an important place in the history of music, but it's a damn fine tune, and features some of the best "whoa-oh" singing I've ever heard outside of a rock 'n' roll song. In the end, though, it just wasn't good enough.

Zach Hoskins, you are not Aaron's iDol.

Let's get this over with:
1. Rene Alfredo - Gnarls Barkley: "Crazy"
2. Zack Burwell - Iggy Pop: "The Passenger"

Aaron's iDol (Part Thirteen)

"'Scuse Me Baby, but I'm Drunk."

How many crazy stories do I have involving Geoff George? There was the time he burst into our home and screamed at me (at a rather high decibel level) to get out of my room and stop masturbating. Or there was that time that he drank an entire bottle of Beefeater at the start-of-the-summer Modern Pea Pod barbecue and yelled at the guests about the dangers of a bird flu. He's nothing if not caring. Well, folks, you'd expect from the MPP's wackiest character would come the wackiest song submission - something so absurd that I'd throw it out without hesitation. Quite wrong. Quite wrong, indeed.

The Swinging Medallions' "Double Shot (of my Baby's Love)" (Double Shot, Smash Records, 1966) is a fantastic treasure from rock and roll's original garage era. Multi-part harmonies belt out clever lyrics comparing the intoxicating (and sometimes illness-causing) effects of love to the demon drink. A classic sixties organ and guitars swing in the background to your standard psych drumming. It's no wonder this track made it to number 17 on the pop charts. And while many of the one-hit wonders of the era have long faded away, this South Carolina group still gathers, in some incarnation or another, every year for a one-night engagement in Atlanta, GA.

This is it, folks: pop perfection. "Double Shot" is the song that I was searching for all along. It's why I started this silly little exercise. Yet, there are things to be taken into consideration. Geoffery, bless his heart, was exposed to the track from the wonderful Nuggets box set. Myself an owner of Nuggets II, I know that it is essentially a mixtape in a box. Some of the world's best long-forgotten pop gems are all there waiting for you - already discovered and compiled by the fine folks at Rhino Records. Truly, this is an unfair advantage. Other contestants of this game have picked meaningful childhood favorites, or discovered new tracks in early June that later turned into massive summer hits. So in honor of those who have worked so hard, I am sadly forced to say:

Geoff George, you are not Aaron's iDol.

Double shot of these babies:
1. Rene Alfredo - Gnarls Barkley: "Crazy"
2. Zack Burwell - Iggy Pop: "The Passenger"
3. Zach Hoskins - The Bar-Kays: "Son of Shaft"

Aaron's iDol (Part Twelve)

"Let's Get To Know Each Other"

I've been having this recurring dream for the last three or four weeks. I'm standing on the deck of a boat floating softly before it docks. It is clear, from my view aboard the vessel, that we are arriving into the iconic ports of New York City. A woman is there with me. She is dressed in a long fur coat, with a cute little 1920s era cap. As she sips the drink in her hand, I look around and realize, in great confusion, that all of our fellow passengers are dressed in the garb of period aristocracy. They laugh and dance the night away aboard their luxurious craft. "Take a picture of me!" my companion shouts. It is at this moment that it occurs to me that I'm carrying a large, old-fashioned camera. As she poses against the railing, her smile revealing teeth shining in the moonlight, I snap the shot. Then I wake up.

I have, clearly, no clue as to what any of this could mean. What I am sure of, however, is the DJ Vips' "Lus Lus" is one hell of a great song. The traditional bhangra track features a back beat that could make any Westerner dance. My good friend Atiya Husain, herself South Asian, explained to me (after having her Punjabi-speaking grandmother translate) that the song tells the story of a young lady arriving at that wonderful age of puberty. As her body develops, which the singer describes in great detail, all the boys take notice and stare at her walking down the street. "Lus lus" is, apparently, the sound her hips make as they sway back and forth. Can you say, "pure sex?"

(DJ Vips)

This is an example of the pure kitsch that Bollywood dreams are made of. It's one of the many reasons why, in recent years, Western culture has flowed slower into Asian nations, while their pop icons are shipped to us. Still, though, I'm just not that gay.

Atiya Husain, you are not Aaron's iDol.

Who still has some Lus Lus:
1. Rene Alfredo - Gnarls Barkley: "Crazy"
2. Zack Burwell - Iggy Pop: "The Passenger"
3. Geoff George - The Swinging Medallions: "Double Shot (Of My Baby's Love)"
4. Zach Hoskins - The Bar-Kays: "Son of Shaft"

Bored in Michigan (8/10-13)

Moving is such a pain in the ass. You know? Hours of getting all sweaty, just to end up with a trashed apartment. The next day, you have to unpack all of your shit, and then decide where everything goes. And then you kinda start thinking weird, crazy thoughts. Like, "this would take a lot longer if I were Diana Ross." Other than, I doubt Diana Ross actually takes things with her when she moves. I bet she just throws everything away and starts all over. I like giving you guys updates about my life and pretending that all of you care. It's like a tea party. You're all stuffed pandas and dogs, which may or may not be missing an eye. And I'm the one feeding you all invisible tea.

Thursday, August 10th

Century Theater, Detroit
Listen, I would rather you skip work and go to a girl's lunch out at Menopause, the Musical (at 1:30 pm) than send you to a 311 concert. It's only $36.50 for a four-person table, dude. And Menopause, the Musical is probably ten times more relevant than 311 is today. You'll only find hardcore fans and huge followers of that dreaded band of (insert a predominantly black musical trend) + metal at the concert tonight. Rap-metal, funk-metal, R&B-metal...whatever. Anyway, it goes down at DTE in Clarkston at 6:30 p.m. - apparently even metalheads need to get up for work on Friday morning.

The Lager House
The Lager House (which is ALWAYS 21+) is hosting Heads Will Roll. While I have not yet experienced this slice of Detroit delight (you have to admit, you can't throw a brick in this area without hitting someone in the Detroit music scene), I can safely send you to the Lager House to experience them for me. Any band whom All Music lists as being influenced by At the Drive In, MC5, and Black Flag should at least have an awesome live show. Besides, it's only five dollars.

The Michigan Theater
Smoke Signals is playing at the Michigan Theater this Thursday night. The screenplay is by Sherman Alexie (who, really, you should read), and it's about two American Indian boys, ashes, and the fact that being a nerd can be universal. Showtime is 7:15.

Also showing that night at the Michigan Theater is Our Brand is Crisis. A simple understatement is that this is not a feel-good movie. It details what happens when the U.S.'s style of political campaigning is used in an entirely different political climate. Directed by Rachel Boynton. Catch it at 7:00, and then catch it again at 9:00. I PROMISE YOUR HEART WILL BLEED.

The Blind Pig
Dykehouse is hosting Kocho Bi-Sexual at the Blind Pig. Nothing is more thought-provoking than a band called Kocho Bi-Sexual. And some of the best shows are record release parties, which this show is. And, honestly, when a band is awesome enough to utilize both a Hammond Console Organ and a Roland Space Echo, you should be there. Also, go read their MySpace. They're interesting people. Doors are at 9:30. $6 and $9. 18+.

KC Campground (14048 Sherman Road), Milan
The 9th Annual Milan Bluegrass Festival is taking off. After I typed that, something magical happened, and now I'm sitting at my desk barefoot, wearing a pair of overalls, and chewing on a long piece of hay. When I speak, I sound like I have a bucket of marbles in my mouth while I audition to be Huck Finn in a high school musical. Tickets are 30 dollars a day or 60 dollars for all three days (yes, the bluegrass will be flowing until Sunday). You can catch Wildfire (not the ABC Family show) at 7:30 pm, NewFound Road (New Found Glory's weird cousins) at 8:15 pm, Dan Paisley & The Southern Grass at 9:45 pm, and, um... the Carolina Road Band at 10:30 pm. See how I totally restrained myself at the end? Awesome.

(Ann) Arbor Brewing Company
From 7 to 9 pm, the Ann Arbor Brewing Company is hosting a beer tasting. It costs 25 dollars to get in, and that price covers unlimited beer sampling, a german appetizer buffet (YES! BREAD!), and a chance to win beer related prizes. I call dibs on the Corona shorts. Go, and leave fifty pounds heavier.

The Elbow Room, Ypsilanti
You may think that the coolest thing you will do on a Thursday night is get drunk and win Corona shorts, but you could be out in Ypsi celebrating the birth of 16 new songs about the city. Fuck Illinois. Fuck Sufjan. This is the "places" CD which you should be listening to (um... unless someone actually made the June mixtape for real. That would be great.) The release party for Ypsisongs is at the Elbow Room, and doors open at 8. Featuring the omnipresent Fred Thomas, as well as The Eugene Strobe, Coke Dick Motocycle Awesome (yes. AWESOME.), Charlie Slick & Johnny Ill, and many more. I would tell you how much to pay, but the Elbow Room only wants me to remember, THEY'RE EIGHTEEN PLUS NOW.

Friday, August 11th

The Magic Stick, Detroit
Love Arcade are celebrating the release of their first album on East West records (look for an interview with the Modern Pea Pod within the next two weeks, Love Arcade fans) by putting on an all-ages show at the Magic Stick. Dash through the masses of hysterical 14-year-old girls with too much eyeliner and groove to Love Arcade. And if you're looking for a good place to start, download their song "Can't Stop". Tickets are $10, and doors open at 8.

Chene Park
Chaka Khan (not to be confused with Aaron Kahn, her Jewish nephew) is playing Chene Park. Tickets are 17 through 55 dollars. I feeeeeeel for you. Go, or experience the Wrath of Khan. Doors are at 7:30 pm.

The Detroit Opera House
Look. I know I have to feature this. It would be stupid of me not to. But, I really don't want to talk about it. ...Okay. Tom Waits is playing tonight. It's completely sold out. But if it makes you feel better, go out and buy one of those postcards of Tom Waits holding a shovel or a lantern or some other creepy shit, and turn on Sesame Street in the background. Make the postcard move sinisterly. Repeat.

The Majestic Theatre
Gorilla Biscuits. Man, I don't feel well all of the sudden. I think maybe it was the idea of an actual Gorilla Biscuit. That's what you would call gorilla poop, right? Or a little worse, would it be one of those delicious-looking biscuits with stuff in the middle? So it's like, "oh great, a biscuit filled with poop that my grandma thought would be delicious. GREAT." Sorry, I'm too distracted by the name to discuss the band.

Lager House
Dirtylovebites. Look, it's 21+ and five dollars. I am not expounding on the disgusting name. Ugh.

The Michigan Theater
I've wanted to see this movie for the past two weeks, and now it's finally coming to the Michigan Theater. Yes, Little Miss Sunshine. Shoot me, bang, I'm a hipster. But come on, the cast looks good: there's an old man with a heroin problem, Steve Carell playing Luke Wilson in The Royal Tenenbaums, and a beauty pageant. I'm smelling comic gold. As of this posting, Little Miss Sunshine hasn't yet been given showtimes... but you can probably bet on a 7 pm at least.

Lorch Hall, U of M Campus
And as always, here comes a free movie which you should not ignore: Crazed Fruit. It's a 1956 film about wanton lust. Think of it maybe as a Japanese Y Tu Mama Tambien - though to be fair, I doubt the two main male characters sleep together. They're brothers, y'all. Truffaut loved this movie. AND WE LOVE TRUFFAUT.

Saturday, August 12th

The Ark
Nomo continues their odyssey of playing every venue, street corner, and house in Ann Arbor, by taking their Afro-Cuban rhythms to the Ark. It could be cool, but I don't want to see a bunch of old dudes with beards and pipes showing me what they're working with. It's an all ages show, with reserved seating tickets at $18.50 and general admission at a cool $13.50. Doors are at 8.

The Blind Pig
FINALLY. The Bang! is back. There's a theme as always. But, that's not what's important. What is important is that you get yourself to the Blind Pig and motherfucking dance! Doors open at 9:30. It's 18+ and cover is $8 and $11.

The Modern Languages Building, U of M Campus
Here comes six and a half hours of semi-obscure Japanese animation featuring episodes from Loveless, Kiba, and Kagihime. And while many feel that animation appeals to the younger masses, this showing is 18+. Those under 18 may only attend with a parent chaperone. Um. Yes. There's also a raffle.

The Magic Stick
If you like independent films, Detroit bands, music, or just a semi-cheap date, go to the Magic Stick and check out Dead Stream Corners, the Amino Acids, the Whiskey Diaries and more at this 18+ Metro Shorts Film Society fundraiser. Tickets are only 10 dollars, and that money goes to support a valuable part of Detroit city culture. GO.

The State Theater, Ann Arbor
Or, if you're more in the mood to see a film than to fund one, the State Theater is showing Dr. Strangelove at midnight! For what it's worth, this is Zach Hoskins' favorite Stanley Kubrick movie. But you don't care about that. What you should care about is the razor-sharp Cold War satire and the performances by three of the greatest comic actors in history: Peter Sellers, Peter Sellers, and Peter Sellers. If you haven't seen this movie yet, you are in for a treat.

Fifth Third Ballpark, Grand Rapids
Bob Dylan begins his fall tour as he goes through baseball diamonds. Personally, the only time I want to see Bob Dylan at a baseball park is if he's organized a team of Keith Richards, Joan Baez, T Bone Burnett, Roger McGuinn, Mick Ronson, Emmylou Harris, Rosanne Cash, and the ghosts of Johnny Cash and Roy Orbison to play baseball against a team of Paul McCartney and former members of Cream and Zeppelin. But, hey, it is Bob Dylan. I'm just saying, that would be an awesome baseball game to watch. And I would pay fifty dollars to see that. But, if you want to go to Grand Rapids and check out a tiny speck on the field named Bob Dylan, tickets are $49.50 and the doors open at 6:30 pm.

Sunday, August 13th

The Blind Pig
Return to the Blind Pig after the Bang! (can anyone else guess what I'm doing this weekend?), and just relax listening to Lost Highway recording artist and former Jayhawks drummer Tim O'Reagan. He might not get you dancing, but he'll help you chill out with a bottle of beer. Tickets are 10 dollars and doors open at 8 pm.

The Michigan Theater
The Night of the Hunter is playing at 3 pm. Ex-con terrorizes orphans to get his tattooed hands on their dead daddy's money. Oh, and yes, it is a comedy. Or not.

Chene Park
Earlier this summer, I began having dreams about dropping out of college to join the Polyphonic Spree. They were really vivid dreams where I was playing chimes and wearing a long white robe. I was also the happiest that I've ever been. And then, one night, I watched a collection of the Wu-Tang Clan's videos on DVD. After that, it was FUCK THE POLYPHONIC SPREE, I'M JOINING THE WU-TANG CLAN. Sunday is my chance to pitch myself to the remaining members of the Clan. Tickets are $17 to $35. Hopefully, everyone there will travel through time at one point.

Man, I can't wait until September. Things will be totally less boring. I mean, Kid Congo Powers is supposed to playing at Mac's Bar in the next few months. That's enough to make me want summer to stop dragging along. But anyway, if you can think of anything cool to talk about for the summer, you can e-mail megan@modernpeapod.com.