If you’ve read between the lines of my reviews for long enough, you’ll find it no surprise that I have a healthy love for classic metal. Oh, sure, I loathe the modern stuff as much as the next pale, weedy, non-tattooed critic type; but give me some vintage Sabbath, Zeppelin, or Motorhead, and I’ll be head-banging until my skull hurts. That’s why I can’t help but like the debut album by Montreal heavy rock upstarts Priestess: like the Datsuns before them, these guys have studied at the altar of ’70s proto-metal and come out with a near note-perfect imitation.

You’ll notice the back-handed compliment. That’s because for all their skills as mimics – check the Deep Purple organ runs in “Lay Down” – Priestess has a long way to go before they reach the level of their influences. It’s tough to put your finger on just why they fall short, because all the ingredients are here: the macabre Sabbath-meets-Metallica heaviosity of “Two Kids” and the super-charged “Everything That You Are” ought to be modern-day stoner metal classics. Somehow, though, what we have here is an album where the whole fails to match its individual parts. Don’t get me wrong, every time the cowbell kicks in on the second verse of “Run Home,” my head starts bobbing and I break into a big, silly grin. But ask me to hum some of the melody, and I’ll just draw a blank.

So what’s my diagnosis? To be honest, I think much of the blame can be placed on the shoulders of lead vocalist Mikey Heppner. It isn’t that he doesn’t have the pipes – far from it, in fact. The problem is that he’s lacking that elusive “It” factor, the little idiosyncrasies that made far-from-perfect hard rock vocalists like Ozzy, Lemmy, and Bon stand out from the pack. With enough practice, anybody can turn up their amps, throw on some distortion, and kick some ass. What differentiates a great heavy rock act from a merely good one is the personality they bring to the table – and between the basement-shaking drum fills and bong-rattling guitar solos, it looks like this time Priestess didn’t have enough room in their rusty VW van.

Still, there’s loads of potential here: “Time Will Cut You Down” isn’t only the most memorable song here, it’s also a deliciously vengeful break-up anthem of a piece with Zep’s classic “Your Time is Gonna Come” – and more importantly, it’s got the kind of stadium-filling charisma that the rest of Hello Master tends to lack. Thin Lizzy would be proud, boys. And if it seems like I’m taking too harsh an approach, let’s be honest with ourselves: even when it comes to the lesser tracks, this remains an enjoyable record. It rocks, it rolls, it sounds great blasting out of a car stereo…and lemme tell you, it only gets better the louder you turn it up. So get your AC/DC shirt off the floor and grab your intoxicant of choice. It’s time to party like it’s 1976 again.

Reviewed by Zach Hoskins