Elizabethtown
Director: Cameron Crowe
(Paramount Pictures)

I confess. I have a thing for Orlando Bloom. I love him. His thick, tousled dark hair; deep, soulful chestnut eyes and perfectly shaped nose. I’ve seen Orli* play an elf, a crusader, a soldier, a mythology icon and a pirate’s ally – so imagine my excitement to see Bloom cast as a man of the present, emotional baggage and all. I was enticed. I got so worked up about this movie that I actually went to go see it opening night – something I rarely do. I braved the theater chock full of 14-year-old girls and sappy first dates. I put the penis on a pedestal. And now I’m a little disappointed.

Orlando Bloom took a swing at comedy and missed.

In Cameron Crowe’s latest film, Bloom plays Drew Baylor, a seemingly successful 27-year-old who loses his job, his girlfriend and his father. He comes to Elizabethtown, Kentucky to help in the arrangements of his father’s funeral. Baylor encounters sugary stewardess Claire Colburn (played by Kirsten Dunst) during a flight to his father’s hometown, and she instantly becomes an itch he can’t scratch. A strange relationship develops, strangely reminiscent of middle school crushes. You know what I’m talking about: you’re not sure if he likes you, so you make up a boyfriend to see if he gets jealous, then once you know for sure he likes you, you tell him your feelings and see how things go from there. Elizabethtown treats Bloom to southern hospitality and he enlightens others on the West coast ways. Susan Sarandon shines as Bloom’s mother, Paul Schneider steals scenes as his airhead cousin, Jessie. Family conflicts arise, as they always do after the death of a loved one (or at least in the movies). A spectacular memorial service serves as the comedic highlight of the film.

The storyline is refreshing, not your run-of-the-mill romantic comedy escapades. Although there are lulls during the tepid, almost-going-to-make-out-but-never-do love scenes, Bloom’s quirky family makes up for it. Dunst’s character, however, disappoints. Now I, personally, am not a fan of Kirsten Dunst. She plays basically the same character in every movie she’s ever done, and I can say that she annoys me. But, I’m aware that she has quite a large fanbase, so if you like her, go see Elizabethtown. If not, I’ve warned you.

While Dunst plays it safe in her usual role as the annoyingly chipper love interest, though, Bloom’s philosophical quips and awkward tenderness were reminiscent of a Keanu Reeves soliloquy. It was awkward seeing him in this role. All I kept thinking was, “Legolas? Pirate-friend?” To think that he was playing someone with real emotions was just hard for me to grasp. Isn’t his job to make me believe he’s this whiny 20-something hipster? Bloom simply can’t cut it playing somebody without some kind of shield or sword.

So here’s the gist: Elizabethtown is a fairly good, unorthodox romantic comedy. The story itself is entertaining and believable, and for the most part the film serves the script justice. Just overlook Bloom’s awkward acting – which, with his boyish good looks, should be easy enough.

* Editor’s note: by no means does all of the Modern Pea Pod staff refer to Mr. Bloom as “Orli.”

Reviewed by Laura Misjak